like a broken record

how would you want to die?

would you want to know when you are dying? a slow one which gives you time to come to terms with it and tie up loose strings? one that let's you prepare yourself as well as all those around you?

or would you rather not know the end is near? face each day and not have a care in the world when you will finally croak?spend your last moments oblivious and not trying to beat the clock by clearing your bucket list?

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i was looking through my photos in cinque terre and i remembered that during my last moments in Levanto, right before i went running to the train station, a middle-aged guy drowned. i was there when the lifeguards noticed him drowning until the time they brought him to shore and until 30+ minutes of trying to resuscitate him. i was not able to find out what happened in the end because i had to catch a train but after 30+minutes of CPR, i doubt there was hope left. there was some other grown man crying hysterically, i assumed he was the brother.

that was just a normal day for that family. they went to the beach. got some tan. had some fun. no one could have known it would be the last for one of them. i saw how devastated the brother was. i felt his pain. at least the smallest possible portion of it. i can't imagine what went through the other guy's head when he was waiting to get rescued while the waves knocked the breathe out of him.

so there, thats why i had that question in my head. i've always wanted it to happen unexpectedly. i'd hate to die of sickness. feeling my grip on life lessen each moment. being helpless on some bed in some hospital is not the way to go for me. i'd like to go doing something i love. i used to say maybe while surfing. whatever. anything exciting at least. but then i get to see such an event. i get to see how the brother reacts. so now, i don't know. not that i can help it anyway.

like a broken record, the only way to live is to seize the day. Carpe Diem as John Keating told his students. or how James Dean puts it; Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.

We can't help it when the grim reaper decides to slash our throats with his infamous scythe but we can make the most of what we have. See the world, readers! whoever you may be.

goes and wanders